Saturday, January 07, 2006

You can live in Montgomery, Texas, where ...
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3. It is 20 miles from the best shopping center in the nation.

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another FIRST TIME
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for Adi this time

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.

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This is Adi, our therapy dog

She specializes in reading with children

and visiting assisted living residents

This morning Adi saw a deer for the first time. There were two for her. They were nice sized, the little Texas deer. Not nearly so large as the Colorado/Nebraska or Canada ones.

We had ridden to the proshop with Mrs. Jim. and were on our way walking back. Mrs. Jim is playing in the Chili Open tournament today, I call it the Chili Dip. We kissed her goodbye, wished her well, and started home.

Adi was riding on my lap going up and not running along side like she sometimes does. So she was ready to smell all the sites on the way home. At one we even got to use the pooper scooper we had brought.

One more thing. I am not supposed to be walking. Doctor's orders. I do walk some though to keep myself somewhat operational. My podiatrist said not even to walk with Adi in a leisurely 'dog walk' pace. We ended up walking a couple of miles this morning.

We were on the home stretch, coming down the slight hill towards our house. All of a sudden Adi perked up, like she does when she sees a squirrel or rabbit. She loves to chase these guys but never can catch them. The two deer were new to her and they crossed, going from left to right, from east to west, the street twenty or thirty feet ahead of us. One had a large horn array, the other didn't have any. [one boy and one girl deer, I think]

They crossed very fast and went onto the par three hole number seven, with the fountain up and across the house from our house. We walked up on a berm but they were already gone. [There's an Eagles* song (link) like that, "Already Gone."] Adi picked up their scent right away and away we went, Adi at the end of the retractable leash with her nose almost on the ground. I was as far behind as the long leash would let me be.

Sometimes we would go so fast that she would miss a turn the deer had made. She then would zig zag smelling the ground to pick up their scent again. We never got past zig and off we would go again. We went over the tee box, down the fairway to a vacant lot, across the lot and through another vacant lot onto the fairway behind our house, a five par hole number eleven.

We crossed that into another vacant lot by that tee box. When we got to the first house Adi slowed way down. She was sniffing around and finally decided the deer had run out in the street at the front. I was thinking they would go behind into the little creek and woods behind our sewer plant.

So we lost her there and we headed home. I circumnavigated the number seven green where we first picked them up. I wanted to test her by crossing their known path again on the way back home.

When we got to their trail Adi picked it up real fast. Beagle like, she always walks with her nose to the ground and it was what I had expected. She is a good tracking dog. I let her follow them a ways, then we came home. I think the scent had lessened because this time we couldn't go full speed, but had to do the little zigs of the zig zags.

From all this, I know Adi would be able to find rabbits and flush them out for me. I hope one day we can try that. We had a just plain nice morning doing just the tracking part. Of course Adi wanted to catch up with these first deer she had seen. We both had a good workout trying.

*Already Gone

Well, I heard some people talkin' just the other day

And they said you were gonna put me on a shelf

But let me tell you I got some news for you

And you'll soon find out it's true

And then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself

'Cause I'm already gone

And I'm feelin' strong

I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo,hoo,hoo

.

The letter that you wrote me made me stop and wonder why

But I guess you felt like you had to set things right

Just remember this, my girl, when you look up in the sky

You can see the stars and still not see the light (that's right)

.

And I'm already gone

And I'm feelin' strong

I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo, hoo,hoo

.

Well I know it wasn't you who held me down

Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free

So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains

And we never even know we have the key

.

But me, I'm already gone

And I'm feelin' strong

I will sing this vict'ry song

'Cause I'm already gone

Yes, I'm already gone

And I'm feelin' strong

I will sing this vict'ry song

'Cause I'm already gone

Yes, I'm already gone

Already gone

All right, nighty-night

[Wilson Phillips all girls group also sings this song in the California album, http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Wilson-Phillips/Already-Gone.html]


Friday, January 06, 2006

 
MY NINE LIVES
OR
MY NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES

While I was working on my life with the girls--All The Girls I've Loved Before--this idea came up. Really it came up while I was in the shower yesterday and I organized it in my mind while finishing up painting the back doors today yesterday.

You probably have been closer to death than I have ever been. Your situations might be interesting for people to know about. They help people think about how fragile we humans really are. I think of this often when I squash a bug. Our bodies squash too. And bleed, crush, etc.

Too, you will see in some there wasn't any real danger for me. Those were like the deal when the ear doctor couldn't find any reason for my earaches and I told him "it was all in my head." He was an old German doctor and got really upset. He walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. I never saw him again.
My Nine Lives, How I've Spent The Ones Already Gone:
1. The Honda experience: It went from bad to worse. I parked it finally when Karen was born. I had new responsibilities that would last for almost twenty more years.
The bad: I got to be terribly daring with it, even passing cars who wouldn't move over by making a 'middle lane.' One veer by an angry driver would have killed me fast.
The worse: While coming to the crest of an overpass on a Houston freeway--at a break the law speed--all the cars ahead were stopped for a wreck. Hit the brakes hard, right? Yes, correct, but both brakes. In my panic and forgetfulness I applied only the back brake. The bike turned sideways just like we always used to do with our bikes to make a hero stop. I let up fast enough that it righted itself.
Scare rank: 4 (out of 1 to 8, 8 being the highest level of scare)Danger rank: 6 (ditto as above, this time for level of danger)
2. Unmentionable event: It was in Galveston at an unmentionable location. If either of us would have had a gun the other would have not been around today. I was in the right but should not have been so angry. That was a long time ago. It wouldn't happen that way now. I wouldn't even be there.
Scare rank:
6
Danger rank: 3

3. My aneurysm: It was, and still is*,
an abdominal aortic aneurysm (AAA) . These are labeled the silent sudden death aneurysm because they often rupture without a previous hint of trouble. 90% of AAA ruptures result in death.
Mine was found accidentally while the doctors were taking multitudes of pictures of various kinds trying to pinpoint the problem causing my terrible backaches.
Scare rank: 2Danger rank: 8

4. My artery blockage: For my xxth birthday I had threatened to run away. Of course Mrs. Jim would know, but even she wouldn't know where I would be for a couple of weeks.
That happened. I ran away with two women. To New York City we went, Mrs. Jim, Karen, and me. Karen was running in the New York City Marathon that year and she had invited us to go watch her at the last minute.
While sight seeing Mrs. Jim and Karen had us walk back from Battery Park to Times Square. I was puffing a lot doing that, really badly not breathing enough. It was a welcome relief when we stopped near Grand Central Station at an underground restaurant for my birthday dinner.
The following Monday I had my stress EKG test where they found symptoms. Dr. Hernandez, an affiliate of Dr. Krajcer, placed a stent in my left descending artery which was blocked 85%.
The right side was blocked 95% but could not be stented because it had never developed properly. You can call me half-hearted. That is true. It sure will hurt my feelings though if you do.
Scare rank: 1
Danger rank: 7 (possible heart attack)

5. Skidding sideways going 60 mph in a convertible with the top down: That is dangerous, top up or down. I had made a last minute turn to exit the freeway and the car just didn't want to do it. I was afraid for a minute it was going to tumble. That happened fast, and then it was over without incident after some skillful maneuvering.
Scare rank: 5
Danger rank: 5
6. Walking in shipyard in Alexandria, Egypt: We had been to Cairo that day and returned after dark to Alexandria where our cruise ship was moored. Upon reaching the ship I realized my wallet was missing. The worst thing that could have happened was losing it to a pickpocket.
Not nearly so bad was the idea that it slipped out of my pocket and was still in the bus. I walked through the deserted shipyard in the dark to where I thought the busses were parked. I even found our bus and there in my seat was the billfold.
I hadn't gotten very far back when I was confronted by two 'policemen' in a marked car. Earlier on the streets the police were patrolling with bayonets attached to their rifles. I could only think of those guys when motioned for me to get in the car. First I explained my situation, not knowing how much English they understood. For sure these guys weren't speaking English.
So I got in the car and headed off to who knew where. I was feeling very thankful to them when we showed up at our ship.
Scare rank: 7Danger rank: 2
7. The night the lights came on: It was in El Paso. The street our house was on was the last one before the Rio Grande River and Mexico. That didn't have much to do with my scare. What happened was for some reason I woke up in the middle of the night and figured out that the kitchen light was on. It wasn't supposed to be on, no one should have been our there.
I stayed in bed for seemingly a very long time. Then with a board in hand [doesn't everyone have a big board in their bedroom?] I quietly headed toward the kitchen to see what was happening. Everything was very quiet. So was I.
Nothing was going on there. I figured out in the morning that the light switch had been going bad and this was the first time it I noticed that it failed.
Scare rank: 8
Danger rank: 1

8. Spare, not yet used: I could put about going to the outhouse at night when sister Lois and I were kids. She is five years younger than me. I sure didn't like to go our there by myself in the dark. I don't ever remember doing that. Lois would always go with me. Not really to protect me but to help me watch for scary things.
Scare rank: Off the chart -- 9Danger rank: Under the chart -- 0
9. Spare, not yet used (this could be the BIG ONE): When I was showering and painting I think there were more. Of course I didn't write them down and can't remember any right now.
Scare rank:
Danger rank:

* The aneurysm is under control. I have a new type
stent graft put inside it. Dr. Krajcer, my cardiologist at St. Lukes Hospital in Houston, is a leader in this field. Incidentally, Albert Einstein died of an AAA. He had declined corrective surgery at St. Lukes. At that time there were no stents to fix this problem. They would have sewn a hose in place of the artery. The success rate for this surgery was low in 1955. This is one of an example of being smart, very smart, and still making wrong decisions.

July 13, 2017 update:  I'm probably using up my spare # 9 life now.  In January, 2016, the stent graft started leaking, and endoleak in medical terminology.

Again my good cardiologist, Dr. Krajcer, came to my rescue.  He did a ceramic wrap, wrapping the leak and then gluing it all with ceramic glue.  This procedure was also done by going up my groin arteries (both sides) with his instruments and supplies.

BTW, I say now, having started my nine life, that I am counting down now instead of counting forward.  Besides that I have reached an age older than most men reach.  OBE.

Series--You can live in Montgomery, Texas, where ...

2. You know all of your neighbors, all of the people in town, and half the people in the county.
1. You can play golf 350 days of the year. Fifteen are either too hot or too cold or it's raining. (we had this before, just didn't have it numbered)

Labels:


GOLFING BOOKS
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OR
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BETTER GOLF: HOW TO HELP YOUR GAME--SAGE ADVICE FROM AN OLD TIMER
. Visit Internet Clipart for great graphics

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I have just finished my new Christmas present book on golf that purports to give the reader valuable playing tips and insider information.
.
Here is some more that I have gained through years of personal experience. I'm writing my own book, Better Golf: How to Help Your Game--Sage Advice From and Old Timer. Please note, this is my book, copyright and all. *
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Table of Contents:
Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist from the Tee
Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker
Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance Off the Shank
Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger
Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings
Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management
Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9am
Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round
Chapter 10 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water
Chapter 11 - Why Your Spouse Doesn‘t Care That You Birdied the 5th
Chapter 12 - How to Let a Foursome Play Through Your Twosome
Chapter 13 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three Off the Tee
Chapter 14 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent
Chapter 15 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt
Chapter 16 - When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever
Chapter 17 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game
Chapter 18 - Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 a Beer From The Cart Girl and Give Her a $3 Tip, But Will Balk at $3.50 at the 19th Hole and Stiff the Bartender

I am writing Chapter 16 first. I really like my retreiver. I got a birdie with it once. We were playing a par four that had to go over the water. My ball got over the water but was stuck on a ledge that was supposed to be a waterfall.

The ball was reachable with my retreiver. With one motion I picked up the ball and three it like a javelin towards the green. You could see I was upset about all that.

My trusty retreiver landed twenty feet from the green on its 'shaft end.' The ball released, flew to green, and went in the hole. My brother-in-law, Jim, earlier had called it a club so nobody argued when I claimed the birdie score.

* Ideas cannot be copyrighted. But written material can. That's why I can claim the above. I think that goes for everything on this blog that I haven't given credit to others. But I should have a disclaimer in my profile like I've seen on some.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I Forgot Last Night

to set the TiVo or VCR for PBS's Walking the Bible "premier."


It comes back on tonight at 1:00 a.m. (really Friday morning, isn't it?). That is on our local PBS, Channel 8. I hope it will repeat on other PBS stations as well.


It will be -- Go Forth: From Creation to Abraham.

See comment # 1 for January 11 and 18 content as well as the Houston Channel 8 repeat times.



While I am working
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(and a very nice Oatmeal Scone Recipe)

on my "thing" for the day.

I had a very nice distraction. Mrs. Jim has baked Oatmeal Scones. We had one and a half just now with coffee. They are the best she has ever made. Too bad she only made a half recipe.

I had strawberry preserves on part. The other topping worked out the better for me. We used the Harrods Heritage Lemon Curd that Mrs. Jim brought back for me from her recent London trip. It's pretty much like lomon pie filling if you don't just happen to have a jar of the curd around.

Harrods is her favorite London department store. I like it too. It is bigger than any Macy's I've been in. Have you been there? No. Well, 'just do it.'

The other thing going on? We had the Regis and Kelly show on for a while. Mrs. Jim couldn't stand it for the whole show. I had been watching them all week. They are on a cruise off the East Coast [U.S.].

I had been thinking how lucky to have such good weather for this show. A whole week of it. Today, Thursday, it dawned on me that it was a repeat from this summer. Makes us want to go to the Caribbean, doesn't it. [Karen and Billy did that for their first wedding anniversary.]

Oatmeal Scone Recipe (from http://www.epicurious.com/gourmet/last_touch/recipes/233001)

OATMEAL SCONES
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1 2/3 cups all-purpose flour

1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons packed light brown sugar
3/4 teaspoon cinnamon1 tablespoon baking powder
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/3 cups plus 2 tablespoons old-fashioned rolled oats
1 1/2 sticks (3/4 cup) cold unsalted butter, cut into tablespoon pieces
2/3 cup well-shaken buttermilk plus additional for brushing
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Put oven rack in middle position and preheat oven to 425°F.
Sift together flour, 1/4 cup brown sugar, cinnamon, baking powder, baking soda, and salt into a food processor.

Add 1 1/3 cups oats and pulse 15 times.
Add butter and pulse until mixture resembles coarse meal with some pea-size lumps.
Transfer to a bowl.
Add buttermilk and stir with a fork until a dough just forms. Gently knead on a floured surface 6 times.
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Pat into a 9-inch square (1/2 inch thick). Cut into 9 (3-inch) squares. Cut each square diagonally to form 2 triangles. Transfer to an ungreased baking sheet.
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Brush with buttermilk and sprinkle with remaining brown sugar and oats. Bake until golden brown, about 16 minutes.Makes 18 scones.

Gourmet Last Touch
November 2005

This is your personal place to write notes about the recipes, such as substitutions or modifications.

Only you will be able to print, view, and edit your notes.
Add a note >


100% would makethis recipe again




[Orange color is in honor of UT football--this will be one of the last time I talk good about them. Mostly now I will talk good about just Quarterback, Vince Young. Sorry 'bout that, Megan (GC. #2).]


Wednesday, January 04, 2006




41 to 38
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That's Texas 41, USC 38
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Trivia question: USC has 34 consecutive wins and two consecutive national championships [2003 and 2004], going for three tonight.
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The press didn't say, but one of those years USC was only tied for the national championship.
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Now the question: Which year did USC share the championship and with what team?
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Answer first. Then check your answer in the comment section. You are on your honor, but you can tell me if you knew.
.








I TOOK THE TEST

and came out the very best!

Of course it is from a 'gurl' site so it was easy for an honest guy to do good.

Test courtesy of poopie

gURL.comI took the "The Animal Spirit" quiz on gURL.com
My animal spirit is...
The Mongoose

The mongoose is the only animal that would risk life and limb for a loved one. The mongoose also uses its speed to escape danger when it finds itself in a tight spot. According to shamanistic wisdom, mongoose people value relationships over everything and are the most loyal of friends.
Read more...

What is your animal spirit?



Continued from above:
This loyalty also carries over to ideas--mongoose people are very passionate about their beliefs and defend them at great cost.
Does your quick tongue get you out of trouble sometimes? Mongoose people are gifted with quick minds that they know how to use on their own behalf.


DOESN'T THAT SOUND JUST LIKE ME?

Please take the test for yourself and tell me what animal spirit you are like. In other words, drop me a comment, please.



Jan. 4, 2006, A MMASCOT MANIA, The real battle

It's Bevo vs. Tommy Trojan at Rose Bowl, http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/life/3563423.html

RECOMMENDATION:

Set your TiVo or VCR for seven, Central Time, tonight. That assumes you will be watching the Rose Bowl. PBS is having Walking the Bible. "Storyteller Bruce Feiler travels 10,000 miles over ground where events recounted in the Bible reputedly occurred, seeking archaeological evidence of those events" according to today's Houston Chronicle.

I have a feeling this program will be a series at it "premieres" tonight. We are especially interested because we traveled most of the Holy Land by bus and foot in 1980. I saved my shoes, I'm sure they crossed Jesus' path over a hundred times that week. I'll recount that trip in a later post.


Cleaning up

Literally a little later today. I'm about to go outside and paint trim some more. I did the garage door trim yesterday. Two doors. It needed being done before the spring rains. Today will be the back door trim and parts of the upstairs balcony. I might win a procrastinator award for waiting so long to paint. I detest painting. But the weather has been perfect, 70s and 80s.

Seeker's [
http://thefirsthundred.blogspot.com/] comment this morning references our church and it's Web site, http://www.fbcconroe.org/templates/cusconroe/default.asp?id=30201. He had mentioned his church's Web site, www.nwfbc.org, in a comment for his nice poem about dreams and I had included ours in my comment there. Just so you can figure out what we are talking about.

You can tell by the time signature that I'm feeling a little lazy this morning. It is just about warm enough to paint. I got up at 7:00 this morning and had coffee making while I was taking medicine. Then I woke Mrs. Jim up with a cup for her. I've even read a lot of the paper and drank five small cups of coffee.

Mrs. Jim has a busy day today too. She has already left for bridge this morning at 9:30. She has a tee time with two other ladies at 1:06. I will take the golf cart up and bring the car back. She didn't want the cart sitting out with her clubs all morning. A few bags with clubs have been stolen. Surely not by any of our residents.

Tonight won't be a church night for her either. We will both watch the Rose Bowl. And even root for Texas. That is hard for me, a Cornhusker and a Houston Cougar, but Young is a fine quarterback and we both would like to see a win for him. We stayed up for the whole game last night but wouldn't have if we could have know FSU would lose.


Tuesday, January 03, 2006

To all the girls I've loved before
Who travelled in and out my door
I'm glad they came along
(by Willie Nelson)

or

Some new glimpses of Jim


The plan: to show how the different women I have encountered have affected my life. Willie and I run a little on parallel tracks. My life has echoed the Old Testament in that there are some rough places followed by fairly good behavior. You will see that some of these women have helped me for the better when their help was needed. They came along at just the right time for me. I'm glad.


There will be some asides, of course; observations of features or events which one could not conceive having any effect on me.
One thing for sure, not everything will be published.
Some women will not be mentioned.
Several ladies will not be identifiable.
I will let every present character know ahead of time to ensure I don't embarrass them too much.
Fairly chronological in order, Mom will be first.

A few things:
one: I have always been faithful to the one I've been married to.
two: not everything will be published.
three: everything will be true--do I ever stretch the truth? I won't in these!
four: expect these only once a week or so.

Why would I want to do this? The idea first came to me when I presented my Christian walk testimony at a monthly men's prayer breakfast group. I even had purchased a Willie Nelson CD to play this song. And I had writen a lot of notes.
I didn't take the CD. I'm not sure why but it sure wouldn't have been appropriate on that day. Our organist and his family would provide the music program before my talk. He is a graduate student at Rice University, working on a Masters of Music. She and the boys are wonderful singers. And the music was wonderful. My attempt of humor using the Willie CD would not have served my intended purpose.

In the back of my mind there is a desire to write my memoirs. Not an autobiography. Memoirs are told in story form, with a theme or plot. One book would be along the lines of these coming blogs.
There is more than enough material for just one book in the back part of my head. The problem is, nothing has been put into writing. It may never be. So this will record a part of it.

An aside--I have several other books in mind. One is a historical novel, one a 'how to' book, and another I won't mention.
My old retirement joke goes, "What are you going to do now that you are retiring?" My answer, "Finish my book." "I didn't know you were writing one!" Again, my answer, "I'm not, I'm reading one."
That is just about true. For several years I have been reading Mark Twain's Traveling with the innocents abroad: Mark Twain's orginal reports from the Holy Land. I just can't get it finished. Twain was on contract with a San Francisco newspaper while on his cruise/tour of the Holy Land and was obligated to write letters for publication for his papers. The letters later would be the gist of his Innocents Abroad.


Here goes.


To All The Girls I've Loved Before

.
To all the girls I've loved before
Who travelled in and out my door
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before
.
To all the girls I once caressed
And may I say I've held the best
For helping me to grow
I owe a lot I know
To all the girls I've loved before
.
The winds of change are always blowing
And every time I try to stay
The winds of change continue blowing
And they just carry me away
.
To all the girls who shared my life
Who now are someone else's wives
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before
.
To all the girls who cared for me
Who filled my nights with ecstasy
They live within my heart
I'll always be a part
Of all the girls I've loved before
.
The winds of change are always blowing
And every time I try to stay
The winds of change continue blowing
And they just carry me away
.
To all the girls we've loved before
Who travelled in and out our doors
We're glad they came along
We dedicate this song
To all the girls we've loved before
.
To all the girls we've loved before
Who travelled in and out our doors
We're glad they came along
We dedicate this song
To all the girls we've loved before
.
Lyrics: http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Shores/5498/page3.html




COMING SOON













WILLIE NELSON as Uncle Jesse in Warner Bros. Pictures' and Village Roadshow Pictures' action comedy 'The Dukes of Hazzard,' starring Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott and Jessica Simpson and distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures.

Monday, January 02, 2006

.. BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND ..
. . . . . . Jim . . . . . . . . .

[The demand this time was to have more pictures of people and less of animals. One of my favorite persons is Jim.]
.
I had been digging potatoes that day. It was cool and earlier had been misting a little. It was a good crop for the third acre plot. Must have been fifty bushels. They filled one end of the cellar.
.
I was reminded of the time I was born. No I can't remember it, but Mom had told the story often. The folks were very poor and the doctor should be paid but they didn't know where the money would come from. There weren't to be any hospital bills because I was to be born at home. Dr. Lukens made house calls.
.
The saving grace was a very large potato crop that year. There were plenty to sell and the doctor could be paid. Before and after this there were never enough potatoes to sell. We would eat them all before the next crop.
.
I felt like the little red hen too. Nobody came to help me harvest, but plenty came to help eat the baked potato and barbeque beef spread that Mrs. Jim fixed later that week.

An Unorganized New Year
so far. So for now,
Why I live in Montgomery, Texas
and
.
[People are calling to see where my blog update is today. Had to come up with something.]

So far I have 20 reasons but there are a lot more. So just one for tonight.

VERY IMPORTANT REASON: You can play golf 350 days a year. The other fifteen days are either too cold or too hot or it's raining.

Mrs. Jim and I played this afternoon. It was a nice day, no need for a jacket.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Well, here goes. I have plans not yet formulated so will just willy nilly for a while.

My sister sent this e-mail today showing why she would live in a small town in Iowa. She thinks Iowa is 'midwest' but for sure Iowa is so much blander than the rest of those states that it hardly qualifies as being 'midwest.'

It is too long to read a whole lot so it is on the bottom of this. I didn't even read every word. What the hey?

"Subject: Retirement relocationWhen we hit retirement age we come face to face with the fact that it maybe time to relocate. The big question is: where to? Here are sometips.

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or thesteering wheel.
3. You‘ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water inthe toilet bowl.
4. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
5. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
6. "D! ress Code" is meaningless at high schools and universities. Picturelingerie ads.
7. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
8. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and
ARE YOUKIDDING ME??!!
10. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the facewhen you open your oven door.
.
You can Live in Southern California where...
1. You make over $500,000 and you still can‘t afford to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cellphone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how longit will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
.
You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city"! and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire StateBuilding.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from ColumbusCircle to Battery Park, but can‘t find Wisconsin on a map.
4 You think Central Park is "nature,"
5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own languagemakes you multi-lingual.
6. You‘ve worn out a car horn.
7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
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You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5 The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, andconstruction.
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You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y‘all" is singular and "all y‘! all" is plural.
3. After five years you still hear, "You ain‘t from ‘ round here, areYa?"
4. "He needed killin‘ " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, BettyJean, MARY BETH, etc.
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You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car
.2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stopsat the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
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You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You‘ve never meet any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where‘s my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It wasdifferent!"
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AND You can live in Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people."

Sunday, January 01, 2006


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MRS. JIM












She used to be Baby New Year, but just once.
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Links

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